Challenges, they say life is full of them. I completely agree, but in my case I feel the challenges are more numerous. I know Ihave not wrtten in a while, but I feel I needed to get bcak on track to help myself cope with all that has been going on. Amazing how much can happen in just a few short months. I am ready for either a redo of this year or a complete new year to start. This year so far, I began with pnemonia, lost time at work, got behind on bills, lost my car, some degree of marriage difficulties due to finances, crazy time with college due to horrible teacher, Henry drama all the way across the board, and Austin drama to top the cake. I also have gained back all the weight I lost last year and have gained tons more grey hair. Just think, the year is not even half over yet. Almost afraid of what is in store for the rest.
I try hard to tell myself along with many of you, that I am a good mom. My kids are fed everyday, they are clean, they do have manners on the most part especially to others, they are active, and smart in their own ways. I keep up with their scouts, softball/baseball, friends, meetings,homework, appointments, and everything in between. That is a full time job within itself then ad in school, 2 part time jobs, and all the house responsibilities. I feel that I do the job of at least 3 people most days. No wonder my eyes shut everynight before my head hits the pillow.
Amazing to me is that how can I do all that and still feel like a failure to my kids. After the night I just had with Austin and his definant ways, I struggle with my thoughts of what I am doing so wrong where my kids do not respect me or anything I say. I feel all I do is yell and scream the second they walk in the door to the second they go to bed.I do not want to be that kind of parent. That is how I was raised and I see the damage it has caused and I feel it is a direct issue with my problems now. I cannot change how I was raised, but I can change how I raise my kids. Going through all I have been through with Henry this past couple months just makes so much mean so little. We came so far and now I feel we have gone back even further. Are his mental health issues a reflection of me as his mom? I try to convince myself no, but it is hard not to think that way. Is Austin acting out because I don't discipline the proper way? To some degree probably, but I cannot seem to find the right fit for him to discipline or to reward. He gets so bored so quick and it is so hard to find something that will work for all of them.Do I blame SaraAn for not wanting to come home? Absolutely not, I wouldn't want to come home to all this either. Poor kid, I feel she is suffering in her own little way. If it wasn't for helping coach her softball, I probably would have no time to spend with her. Will she grow up with resentment towards them or will it help her to be better understanding? Who knows.
As you can tell, feeling a little discouraged about things lately. I know they say being a mom is the hardest job anyone can do and I am up for the challenge as I have the strength from God and tons of praying friends and support from all of you out there that take the time to read these posts. Without all that, I don't know where I would be right now.I pray that in the end all of this will just be a memory and when they are all grown up it will pay off when they are something big in society making for themselves.I know they will all have to work a little harder to get that success, but if they take after their mom in one way, I hope it is that they keep going with all the fight in them that I know they have. If they do that, they will turn out wonderful. My ranting is done for the night.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, August 28, 2011
ChChChChanges
As I sit here finishing the last of my preparations to get the kids ready for school tomorrow, I sit and think about the summer. The summer began slow and ended so fast. I am glad it is over. Many things took place this summer, a lot of good. Austin went away for sleep over camp local and then 6 hours away in NY for kids with bleeding disorders. His first time away overnight in a camp environment. That is a lot of anxiety for any mom. Henry experienced his beloved autism camp again, cub scout camp, and summer school to keep his skills up for the fifth grade. \SaraAn also enjoyed some day camping expereince and ended the summer getting her swimmers badge at the pool. what a proud girl, she worked so hard for that. We ended the summer last week with the little ones and I in VT and Henry with Shawn for a couple days in the big truck out in Michigan and Indiana, he enjoyed the sights.
This summer has also brought a lot of changes as in my title. The kids all had their birthdays, they made it another year and boy did I notice a lot of maturity especially in Henry and SaraAn. I realize more and more I do not have "babies" anymore, my "baby" is now six and entering 1st. grade tomorrow. Where did that time go? I think the hardest one I had to get over is Henry, he turned the big "10" and will be a 5th. grader tomorrow. That is a lot to take in especially knowing all we have been through with him over the years. I am so glad to see him maturing into such a sweet big boy. There are still a lot of issues on a regular basis, but we can cope so much better with them. My MIL had such a hard time at his bday party because there were girls there, in turn he went to one of their parties yesterday. Not going to mention one of the subjects brought up from that party, very funny though,especially coming form Henry's mouth. Austin struggled a lot this summer if he was not constantly engaged in some activity. He has been the source of a lot of grey hair lately. Met his teacher and had the big talk with the nurse the other day so that they are prepared to handle his bleeding issues. I think his teacher seemed a little overwhelmed. Just a little hard this year because he is going to a new school. I pray they are ready to handle him.
As for the kids, I myself had a big change this week also. I am a college student once again. I began classes last week, and boy things have changed since my first time around 16 years ago.Everything is on the computer. No more writing notebooks full of notes everyday. A huge realization came over me during my first class, children really DO kill braincells. It is going to be a lot of work on my part to get through this. I know I can do it, I can be a lot stubborn (did I say that), I guess I know where SaraAn gets it from. Anyway, hopefully that stubborness will pay off and help me get through this class. This whole thing has caused a lot of anxiety which needs a lot of prayer.
I have been excited about the kids going back to school for a couple of weeks now, nothing better then the new backpack, sneakers, and clothes. I put the kids to bed tonight and prayed with them for a good year, new friends, and an open mind to learning new things. I know as any parent, my kids are smart and can do anything they put their minds to. They do however have to work a little harder sometimes to get the upper advantage. I feel I do my part to help them in everyway possible to be successful, now I am giving them over to their new teachers for the school year. I am sure I will shed my tears tomorrow as I walk away happy all at the same time. Austin and SaraAn are as happy as can be about going back as expected, Henry on the other hand is not, he is very worried about being bullied by the same boys that gave him problems last year and sent us into crisis mode with the school in the spring. Phone calls everyday from the school psychologist. I do worry about it, more so because I was bullied in school also and I do know how he feels, but Henry has a very hard time letting things go and ignoring. I want him to be successful this year as always, but I am already worried about his state of mind. I also know 5th grade is not an easy year in general. I will be praying for him extra hard tonight as I hope some of you that read this will also.
I am calling it the night, worked this weekend, had very little sleep today and need to prepare my mind for tomorrow morning. Changes all around, some good, some not so. Prayers and thoughts to all the kids beginning a new chapter tomorrw or this week in school and to all the parents as they wipe tears of joy for strength to see them off to a new year. Till next time friends, good night.
This summer has also brought a lot of changes as in my title. The kids all had their birthdays, they made it another year and boy did I notice a lot of maturity especially in Henry and SaraAn. I realize more and more I do not have "babies" anymore, my "baby" is now six and entering 1st. grade tomorrow. Where did that time go? I think the hardest one I had to get over is Henry, he turned the big "10" and will be a 5th. grader tomorrow. That is a lot to take in especially knowing all we have been through with him over the years. I am so glad to see him maturing into such a sweet big boy. There are still a lot of issues on a regular basis, but we can cope so much better with them. My MIL had such a hard time at his bday party because there were girls there, in turn he went to one of their parties yesterday. Not going to mention one of the subjects brought up from that party, very funny though,especially coming form Henry's mouth. Austin struggled a lot this summer if he was not constantly engaged in some activity. He has been the source of a lot of grey hair lately. Met his teacher and had the big talk with the nurse the other day so that they are prepared to handle his bleeding issues. I think his teacher seemed a little overwhelmed. Just a little hard this year because he is going to a new school. I pray they are ready to handle him.
As for the kids, I myself had a big change this week also. I am a college student once again. I began classes last week, and boy things have changed since my first time around 16 years ago.Everything is on the computer. No more writing notebooks full of notes everyday. A huge realization came over me during my first class, children really DO kill braincells. It is going to be a lot of work on my part to get through this. I know I can do it, I can be a lot stubborn (did I say that), I guess I know where SaraAn gets it from. Anyway, hopefully that stubborness will pay off and help me get through this class. This whole thing has caused a lot of anxiety which needs a lot of prayer.
I have been excited about the kids going back to school for a couple of weeks now, nothing better then the new backpack, sneakers, and clothes. I put the kids to bed tonight and prayed with them for a good year, new friends, and an open mind to learning new things. I know as any parent, my kids are smart and can do anything they put their minds to. They do however have to work a little harder sometimes to get the upper advantage. I feel I do my part to help them in everyway possible to be successful, now I am giving them over to their new teachers for the school year. I am sure I will shed my tears tomorrow as I walk away happy all at the same time. Austin and SaraAn are as happy as can be about going back as expected, Henry on the other hand is not, he is very worried about being bullied by the same boys that gave him problems last year and sent us into crisis mode with the school in the spring. Phone calls everyday from the school psychologist. I do worry about it, more so because I was bullied in school also and I do know how he feels, but Henry has a very hard time letting things go and ignoring. I want him to be successful this year as always, but I am already worried about his state of mind. I also know 5th grade is not an easy year in general. I will be praying for him extra hard tonight as I hope some of you that read this will also.
I am calling it the night, worked this weekend, had very little sleep today and need to prepare my mind for tomorrow morning. Changes all around, some good, some not so. Prayers and thoughts to all the kids beginning a new chapter tomorrw or this week in school and to all the parents as they wipe tears of joy for strength to see them off to a new year. Till next time friends, good night.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Firecracker
My Firecracker, my little girl SaraAn. Loud,full of excitement and surprise. As I watched her be rolled into surgery today and the nurse told me she would be OK, many thoughts came to my mind. I knew she would do great, just a simple procedure, but she was still being put under and having a tube placed into her throat, and she would have to monitored afterwards. Any parent, I would think would be a little anxious, maybe a little teary eyed as I was this morning. She woke up easily, some pain as expected, and was ready to take on the world right away without looking back. That is my girl, she came out that way, and I thank God she is this way, even though her stubborness drives me crazy sometime. Without that fight in her, she would not be alive today.
Tomorrow, my girl will be 6, how can that be? I remember so clearly her infancy when I would sit and nurse her and just sit in awe of the fact that she was alive and doing so well with her head full of dark hair and her blue eyes. SaraAn was not a planned child, Austin was going to be it for us, but I guess God had other plans. Shawn was convinced well before I was that I was pregnant. No way, I would say, we have a baby and it just did not seem possible. Well, Shawn went to walmart one day, picked up a test and told me to take it because he knew it would be positive. I remember him laughing over the KFC we had for dinner that night when I came out crying because he was right. His mom did not believe it right away, but was thrilled when the shock wore off. How were we going to raise another baby? Henry was at the height of his diagnosis and Austin was beginning to get sick on a regular basis and I was working full time. Wow!!
Well, off to the Dr., who I owe Henry's life to and she helped with Austin's delivery also. She was a little concerned of course since I had two csections one just less than a year ago. This ended up being my best of three pregnancies, thank goodness for small miracles. Not realizing all my strength would need to focus on her first weeks of life. July 8th. was the day set for my csection, a couple of weeks early so I did not have any rupture of the uterus going into full labor due to Austin csection just 13 months before. Was assured she was developed and ready for the world. Good delivery then as she was being taken to nursery, Shawn noticed something was not right about her color, he was right. She was then rushed into NICU where she was touch and go for a couple weeks. That was a horrible time, thank God for my friend who came in from Pa at the time to stay with me and help with the boys and take me back and forth to the hospital. I had to see her everyday. I would pump every three hours just so I knew she was getting a part of me, I watched my milk be poured into tubes into her nose for her nourishment. I could not even hold her for almost a week. Thankfully, she rallied after being hooked up to tubes everywhere and she came home attached to nothing. After that I left my job and decided along witht he dr' she should not be in childcare for a while.
Well, you think that was scare enough, she defied the odds again at 2 1/2. She was now in daycare where I worked, she began getting bouts of pnemonia regularly, with meds and nebulizers she would come out of it and be OK for short periods of time then get it again. Feb 2008, she was taken to the dr and put on antibiotics, steroids, and nebs again. This time she did not get better. Shawn was home with ther one day after being on the meds for two days in hopes she would be better. She was not getting better, she was tinged blue to the lips and now was lethargic, and was struggling for air. Rushed right to dr without calling, her pulse ox which should be over 95, was only 79. She could not breathe, panic set in, right to hospital and put on a breathing mask with a bag on it. Knowing what that is, I was scared. She was really sick, double pnemonia and severe RSV, a respiratry virus that could kill little ones. After six days in hospital she came home, now with many dr's visits to figure out what was going on. Asthma was decided. Medication after medicaton. Hopefully, she could outgrow this.
Now, SaraAn is on 5 or more meds a day to control asthma, reflux (another story), and some constipation problems from the meds. What a life for just six short years. It does amaze me how I guess she was meant to be here. She has had to fight a heck of a battle to make it this far. Thankfully, with God on ours and her side, the battles will keep being won. She is the strongest girl I have ever met and even though she drives me crazy with all that fight, I have to remember without it, she would of never made her first day. I hope and pray she uses that God given fight ability to good use one day and that she will never let her guard down. Hopefully, as she grows some of these ailments will lessen or go away, but in the meantime she lives life to the fullest and she loves it. The firecracker, all that energy, excitement,and amazement of all the colors. Happy 6th Birthday, baby girl.
Tomorrow, my girl will be 6, how can that be? I remember so clearly her infancy when I would sit and nurse her and just sit in awe of the fact that she was alive and doing so well with her head full of dark hair and her blue eyes. SaraAn was not a planned child, Austin was going to be it for us, but I guess God had other plans. Shawn was convinced well before I was that I was pregnant. No way, I would say, we have a baby and it just did not seem possible. Well, Shawn went to walmart one day, picked up a test and told me to take it because he knew it would be positive. I remember him laughing over the KFC we had for dinner that night when I came out crying because he was right. His mom did not believe it right away, but was thrilled when the shock wore off. How were we going to raise another baby? Henry was at the height of his diagnosis and Austin was beginning to get sick on a regular basis and I was working full time. Wow!!
Well, off to the Dr., who I owe Henry's life to and she helped with Austin's delivery also. She was a little concerned of course since I had two csections one just less than a year ago. This ended up being my best of three pregnancies, thank goodness for small miracles. Not realizing all my strength would need to focus on her first weeks of life. July 8th. was the day set for my csection, a couple of weeks early so I did not have any rupture of the uterus going into full labor due to Austin csection just 13 months before. Was assured she was developed and ready for the world. Good delivery then as she was being taken to nursery, Shawn noticed something was not right about her color, he was right. She was then rushed into NICU where she was touch and go for a couple weeks. That was a horrible time, thank God for my friend who came in from Pa at the time to stay with me and help with the boys and take me back and forth to the hospital. I had to see her everyday. I would pump every three hours just so I knew she was getting a part of me, I watched my milk be poured into tubes into her nose for her nourishment. I could not even hold her for almost a week. Thankfully, she rallied after being hooked up to tubes everywhere and she came home attached to nothing. After that I left my job and decided along witht he dr' she should not be in childcare for a while.
Well, you think that was scare enough, she defied the odds again at 2 1/2. She was now in daycare where I worked, she began getting bouts of pnemonia regularly, with meds and nebulizers she would come out of it and be OK for short periods of time then get it again. Feb 2008, she was taken to the dr and put on antibiotics, steroids, and nebs again. This time she did not get better. Shawn was home with ther one day after being on the meds for two days in hopes she would be better. She was not getting better, she was tinged blue to the lips and now was lethargic, and was struggling for air. Rushed right to dr without calling, her pulse ox which should be over 95, was only 79. She could not breathe, panic set in, right to hospital and put on a breathing mask with a bag on it. Knowing what that is, I was scared. She was really sick, double pnemonia and severe RSV, a respiratry virus that could kill little ones. After six days in hospital she came home, now with many dr's visits to figure out what was going on. Asthma was decided. Medication after medicaton. Hopefully, she could outgrow this.
Now, SaraAn is on 5 or more meds a day to control asthma, reflux (another story), and some constipation problems from the meds. What a life for just six short years. It does amaze me how I guess she was meant to be here. She has had to fight a heck of a battle to make it this far. Thankfully, with God on ours and her side, the battles will keep being won. She is the strongest girl I have ever met and even though she drives me crazy with all that fight, I have to remember without it, she would of never made her first day. I hope and pray she uses that God given fight ability to good use one day and that she will never let her guard down. Hopefully, as she grows some of these ailments will lessen or go away, but in the meantime she lives life to the fullest and she loves it. The firecracker, all that energy, excitement,and amazement of all the colors. Happy 6th Birthday, baby girl.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Letting Go!
Letting go is hard, sometimes it can be harder or easier depending on what you are letting go of. I sit here in the quiet tonight and think there are many things I have let go of in my life and there are many things I would like to let go of like some behaviors and attitudes. Some of those are not as easy as letting go of an old baby item of throwing away or an unused toy etc. The reason of this blog tonight is my feelings towards letting go of my kids. Yes, I am over protective, as any mom in my situation should be, there is always the fear of the unknown and things that could happen if I am not there. I have had to work very hard towards letting go a little when it came for instance sending Austin to school for the first time. That was a nerve racking day for me, even though I knew I was only a phone call away. One day when he was in school I knew I was going to be gone out of the area all day and I was a nervous wreck. What if something happens, what if he falls, what if he cuts himself? How anxiety producing, overprotective or controlling? Maybe a little bit of both. Tomorrow he will be beginning a full week at Hawk Mountain for Cub Scout day camp, he will leave early morning and not return till close to dinner time. I am NOT going, he has been up there one day before, but not for as long without me and I know from experience he will be doing a lot of things that might be new for him and could cause injury.
What is an overprotective, controlling mother to do? Well first pray, real hard for Austin's safety and enjoyment. We have been pretty good about not bubble wrapping him since his diagnosis. Second, have trust in the person who will be looking after him this week and I do. I put my complete faith in him and I know he will look out for Austin. Third, just think positive that all will be fine, even though I know I will be thinking of him constantly until he lands back home safe and sound. Once I get him through this week, I really will be going crazy because I know he will be attending Dragonfly Forest next week where he will spend 6 days and 5 nights away from home, his first time ever away from home to this capacity. I know Dragonfly will be all kids with bleeding disorders that week and I know they are fully staffed medically with dr's and nurses, but I will NOT be there. I know at the end of the day, I am so happy my children get to have these experiences and I am so glad sometimes to see them just go away for the day or week, but I am still that overprotective, controlling mother and I still have a hard time letting go.
What is an overprotective, controlling mother to do? Well first pray, real hard for Austin's safety and enjoyment. We have been pretty good about not bubble wrapping him since his diagnosis. Second, have trust in the person who will be looking after him this week and I do. I put my complete faith in him and I know he will look out for Austin. Third, just think positive that all will be fine, even though I know I will be thinking of him constantly until he lands back home safe and sound. Once I get him through this week, I really will be going crazy because I know he will be attending Dragonfly Forest next week where he will spend 6 days and 5 nights away from home, his first time ever away from home to this capacity. I know Dragonfly will be all kids with bleeding disorders that week and I know they are fully staffed medically with dr's and nurses, but I will NOT be there. I know at the end of the day, I am so happy my children get to have these experiences and I am so glad sometimes to see them just go away for the day or week, but I am still that overprotective, controlling mother and I still have a hard time letting go.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Fathers Day
Fathers Day, a day to celebrate our fathers. Yes, my children showed their love through gifts to their daddy this morning, and I had a small something for him, but did not see him before he left due to the extreme lack of sleep from working this weekend. I could not of asked for a greater daddy for my children, he might be a little tougher then me sometimes, but I am known to have a soft spot. Even though Shawn may not make every game, practice, dr's appointment, etc., he is still there for the kids. He is a great supporter, his work pays the bills to provide them with all they need. May not be all they want, but they have their needs met and then some. Some days it is hard with him being gone so much, but I know he is doing what it takes to show his love to me by letting me only work part time and focus full time on the never ending needs of the kids.
Not only do my kids have a great daddy, I lucked out and gained a great father in law. He also worked and still works hard to provide and care for his family. He just loves his grandbabies. Our three are my in laws only three grandkids, and boy are they spoiled by poppop, the kids just love him to pieces and love to help him with all his outside work. I hope my boys learn the value of hard work by watching their daddy and poppop. I also have two grandfathers whom I consider one of them to have been my father in every sense of the word, unfortunately due to family crap, that relationship has become a very sad story and one that hurts me everyday due to selfishness of others.
As I have read all day of my friends lifting up their fathers and calling them daddy, I am brought to tears sometimes because I do have a living father, just one who never acted like one. Unfortunately, for his sake he has 9 grandchildren he can never see due to his past behavior. All by choice of course. I also have a mother , but because of my father can not have a relationship with her three daughters or any of her grandchildren. Kind of sad if you think about it. My sons therapist tells me all the time, even though I have blocked out all the old junk, my father still plays a part in my life and it shows by how I am raising my kids. I swore I would never let my kids feel the way he made me feel, and the way he still makes me feel somedays. I hear his bad voices in my head a lot especially if I feel fat one day or I screwed up someting. Amazing that I still feel crappy sometimes even though he is no longer in my life. This all was very hard for Shawn to understand, but he has gotten better as so I. Maybe I have just buried it all so I can just move on, but it does come out sometimes especially on days like this. I am always in the healing process, it does help that I have other men in my life whom have taken over the role, and I thank God for that everyday. All in all, I know I always have a Father(God), whom I can lean on to get my through it all everyday.
Happy Fathers Day to all the great dads out there, especially my hubby and his dad and my grandfathers. And to my friend in NJ whom even though did not know me till later in life has become a great dad figure to me and a wondreful grandpa to the kids.
Not only do my kids have a great daddy, I lucked out and gained a great father in law. He also worked and still works hard to provide and care for his family. He just loves his grandbabies. Our three are my in laws only three grandkids, and boy are they spoiled by poppop, the kids just love him to pieces and love to help him with all his outside work. I hope my boys learn the value of hard work by watching their daddy and poppop. I also have two grandfathers whom I consider one of them to have been my father in every sense of the word, unfortunately due to family crap, that relationship has become a very sad story and one that hurts me everyday due to selfishness of others.
As I have read all day of my friends lifting up their fathers and calling them daddy, I am brought to tears sometimes because I do have a living father, just one who never acted like one. Unfortunately, for his sake he has 9 grandchildren he can never see due to his past behavior. All by choice of course. I also have a mother , but because of my father can not have a relationship with her three daughters or any of her grandchildren. Kind of sad if you think about it. My sons therapist tells me all the time, even though I have blocked out all the old junk, my father still plays a part in my life and it shows by how I am raising my kids. I swore I would never let my kids feel the way he made me feel, and the way he still makes me feel somedays. I hear his bad voices in my head a lot especially if I feel fat one day or I screwed up someting. Amazing that I still feel crappy sometimes even though he is no longer in my life. This all was very hard for Shawn to understand, but he has gotten better as so I. Maybe I have just buried it all so I can just move on, but it does come out sometimes especially on days like this. I am always in the healing process, it does help that I have other men in my life whom have taken over the role, and I thank God for that everyday. All in all, I know I always have a Father(God), whom I can lean on to get my through it all everyday.
Happy Fathers Day to all the great dads out there, especially my hubby and his dad and my grandfathers. And to my friend in NJ whom even though did not know me till later in life has become a great dad figure to me and a wondreful grandpa to the kids.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Craziness
Since my last post a week ago, I have gained another head full of gray hair. The little one, SaraAn has caused most of it. Most people would say, what else can go wrong for you? I simply just laugh and say lots more could because it always does. SaraAn just had her stitches removed today that were put in on Saturday while getting the boys ready for a bball game and still preparing for Austin's bday party while on about an hour sleep. Her listening skills just were not working well when I kept repeating myself to leave the dog alone, well she will now have a scar on her face to prove the point that she should of listened. Back to ER two days after that, three bad bloody noses,I was told to take her there. Of course while there it stopped, now off to ENT on Monday, not sure what they can do, but this was not the first time with this problem. Not half an hour after having the stitches out today, she starts bleeding again. Luckily it stopped quickly. As if that is not enough, Austin lost TWO teeth on the same days as her ER visits. What are the chances of that? Thankfully they did not bleed too much. Now tomorrow off to CHOP for Austin's big hemotology visit. Prayers it all goes well. My biggest concern is his weight, he has lost quite a bit since being on ADHD meds. What mega drama.
On a good note, the kids made it through another year at school. They all did very well and I should be proud, especially of Henry. His first year almost completely mainstreamed, he got all A's and one B+ on his report card. That is a proud moment, seeings where we have come from with him. Now off to 5th grade. That is so unbelievable. Austin going to 2nd and SaraAn to 1st. Where did the years go? Kind of sad to see another chapter end. Summer, going to be crazy, but hopefully fun. New things in store especially for Austin. Going to overnight camp for the first time, all kids with bleeding disorders. I know he will be well taken care of, it's the same camp Henry goes to for the week for kids in the spectrum and Henry loves it.I bet I will be holding back tears that day. On a note about me for all those keeping track, I lost another 4.6 lbs and now I have lost a total of 17lbs. in just three weeks. I hope it continues for the sake of my knees that are really hurting a lot lately. I am hoping the more I lose the less pressure I will be putting on them and I will not be in so much pain. Prayers this week for good outcome for Austin at CHOP tomorrow, for SaraAn's appt at ENT on Monday, and for things to settle down a little especially in the medical sense for the kids. I realize having kids with needs was going to be a lot of work, but somedays I do fell my strength is running low. At the end of each day I just thank God I made it through another one and just ask for more strength for the next. Good night all.
On a good note, the kids made it through another year at school. They all did very well and I should be proud, especially of Henry. His first year almost completely mainstreamed, he got all A's and one B+ on his report card. That is a proud moment, seeings where we have come from with him. Now off to 5th grade. That is so unbelievable. Austin going to 2nd and SaraAn to 1st. Where did the years go? Kind of sad to see another chapter end. Summer, going to be crazy, but hopefully fun. New things in store especially for Austin. Going to overnight camp for the first time, all kids with bleeding disorders. I know he will be well taken care of, it's the same camp Henry goes to for the week for kids in the spectrum and Henry loves it.I bet I will be holding back tears that day. On a note about me for all those keeping track, I lost another 4.6 lbs and now I have lost a total of 17lbs. in just three weeks. I hope it continues for the sake of my knees that are really hurting a lot lately. I am hoping the more I lose the less pressure I will be putting on them and I will not be in so much pain. Prayers this week for good outcome for Austin at CHOP tomorrow, for SaraAn's appt at ENT on Monday, and for things to settle down a little especially in the medical sense for the kids. I realize having kids with needs was going to be a lot of work, but somedays I do fell my strength is running low. At the end of each day I just thank God I made it through another one and just ask for more strength for the next. Good night all.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Life and Death
June 2, 2004, I gave birth to my middle son Austin. A beautiful 7 lb 12 oz. blue eyed joy. All that know my story also know his seven years have been very difficult and the story never sems to end. My little man I call him, deserves a medal for all the pain and anguish he has been through. The hours upon hours at dr's, specialists, and the pokes and prods on his body through the years. Enough for an adult to go crazy by now. Austin's spirit, his bright blue eyes and his contagious smile should be an inspiration to all. I feel he will be doing something huge in his adult life. All of this does come with a lot of strength as his mom. All the pain, appts with various doctors, and just the though of having a child with such needs as Austin does would drive most to the loony bin. Anybody watching him on the street riding his bike, playing baseball, or just running around would never think there is anything wrong. I, as his mom know that is so far from the truth. When getting his diagnosis at 9 months old as we were preparing him for surgery, many thoughts came through my mind. Do we need to "bubble" him, how we he do things like "normal" kids, can he do this or that? Well, as his mom, I feel we have done a great job by letting him live his life to the fullest and we plan on continuing that trend. Baseball, scouts, bikes, swimming, soccer? The possibilities are endless for him and I hope they will always continue to be. I of course make sure there is always that extra protection and I am sure there will be lots of tears as I send him to overnight camp for the first time this summer. Our next hurdle will be faced within the next few months as they begin testing him for high functioning autism like Henry has. He has been displaying lots of similiar behaviors just like Henry and I along with his doctor are concerned. Am I reading into things too far, is he mimicking Henry, I do not know, but I will find out. I am his biggest advocate and always will be. Will I be surprised if the results come back positive, no, but at least I will know how to handle things. I am however a little scared about the whole thing, but God will get me through this as he has gotten me through everything else.
As we celebrate the day of another year for Austin, we as a family had a tough moment tonight. Our beloved guinea pig Patches died in my arms. The kids all took it very hard and Austin decided it was his worse birthday ever. Wow, that stinks to hear him say that. I know Patches will be replaced by another piggy, but I know it still will not replace Patches. She was well loved and will be missed. Well, off to do my wife duty, dishes, then go to bed to prepare myself for a busy day tomorrow. R.I.P. Patches 5/08-6/2/11
As we celebrate the day of another year for Austin, we as a family had a tough moment tonight. Our beloved guinea pig Patches died in my arms. The kids all took it very hard and Austin decided it was his worse birthday ever. Wow, that stinks to hear him say that. I know Patches will be replaced by another piggy, but I know it still will not replace Patches. She was well loved and will be missed. Well, off to do my wife duty, dishes, then go to bed to prepare myself for a busy day tomorrow. R.I.P. Patches 5/08-6/2/11
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