Oh Henry, my Henry

      As Henry is watching the NASA channel waiting for Discovery to launch, I quickly think that most kids his age right now are playing video games, playing at friends houses, or just hanging out, but here is my 9 and a half year old listening to every word and watching every detail of this exciting event. Space and NASA is his obsession right now. Over the years his obsessions have changed depending on what in his mind sticks out. When I say obsession I mean obsession, from details about the subject most adults would not know to just reading about it ,to channeling every bit of energy into finding out more about the obsessive topic. As you might have figured out by now, Henry has aspergers.
     Our first child, many dreams, hopes, everything planned for the blessed event. What a roller coaster ride of a pregnancy with him from conception to the last second in the womb. Still, a roller coaster rides everyday. Carrying him was such a feat within itself, many hospital trips (dehydration), many days of illness,major surgery at 34 weeks to remove the bad gallbladder (scarred for life), 40 staples later, 2 drain tubes in stomach, and uncertainty of everything, from due date to even his life. Due date hit, induction, then excitment. The moment finally arrived. All this quickly turned to fear when heart rate dropped and now emergency csection and complete knock out due to blood pressure so high. I wake up later to find out the bad news, cord wrapped around neck and under arms so tight it was cutting off his oxygen. Miracle he was alive, now in NICU and future uncertain. Happy Birthday Henry, Aug. 11,2001.
      Home after three days, great news, uncertainty about his future scares us a lot. First year without a hitch, EVERY milestone hit on time. PHEW!!!! Within 2nd year, SMACK!! Right in the face. By three years old, PT,OT, speech and behavior therapy revolving door in our home. Henry did not fit the "perfect" mold. Such depression, we would be hours trying to settle a smart little one who could not speak, hold him tight with every temper tantrum so he did not bang his head on the wall or floor, learn sign language so we could help him find his "voice". Special education, IEP's, one on one aides, Wow, so overwhelming especially for a first born now entering school right after his third birthday. The ups and down over the years have been plenty, from potty problems to finding the right activities, to decreasing all the help, mainstreaming in school to just every decision that has been made for the better of this wonderful life.
    This week brought a lot of  the past as Henry had a full blown meltdown at school where he tried injuring himself and his anger could not be controlled. Horror strories told to me regularly about kids like him going through this next stage of his life, beginning stages of puberty? Kind of scary. As we have had our share of problems with Henry over the years, I feel a little discouraged thinking the worse might still be coming down the road as he is in regular education more, peer pressures, lack of friendships, and his overall awarkness about things. Will kids be cruel to him, of course that  is expected. Daily strength needing another boost to properly help him handle all things to come.
    Less then a minute to TAKEOFF!!! His excitement rises, his throat noises( Tourettes tic for him) increases due to excitement. 3-2-1 we have Liftoff, feels like life in all its ups and down everyday. As we prepare ourselves to get Henry through the next phase of childhood I have a feeling our knees will be buning regularly as we continue to pray possibly for a cure for all the kids in the beginning stages of autism to just the everyday dealings with our Henry.

Where to begin?

 I have been inspired by a fellow friend who has her own blog to try this out,more so to have an outlet (as if I have nothing better to do), but for myself and for others who might feel like I do somedays. Most days I end my day/night (get them confused due to working graveyard) feeling just plain BLAH!! Leave it to just being tired, stressed, or just confused with life. I try each day to find the positives with life, but a lot of negative gets in the way. I know most people look at me and hear my story especially about my three wonderful children and wonder why I have not had myself committed.  I have to keep it into perspective that there is a reason why God gave me such responsibility to handle the needs of three very different "special" children. I have also been blessed with a wonderful husband and daddy for over 11 years now to fight the battle with me even though we do have our differences with a lot of things. A lot of marriages would of ended by now if in our shoes most days. As I experiment with this new way of journaling as I will call it, I am listening to my little fighter SaraAn laughing, who is the most tempermental little one I think I have ever come across as she plays with her friend Rudy our dog. while laughing she begins a coughing spell that brings me to one of my hardest parts of the day and that is telling her she needs a breathing treatment before bed so she is not up all night. After this I am quickly reminded why my life is exhausting sometimes.