Changes

      Since my last post so much has happened for the good, I hope. Three weeks ago, I went away for a 72 hour "walk" as it was called and left seeing my life in a whole new perspective. I left on a Thursday night full of anxiety and stress because I was leaving the kids, no phones allowed, and no clocks or watches to be seen. What??? After being there it all made so much sense. I was there to fully put my heart and mind into focus and see where God leads me. I had an experience I will never regret and I feel better about so many things in my life. There are so many things I cannot describe about my journey, but I will say it was life changing and I feel God really did work in me and I pray it will continue always.
    Now that Shawn and I experienced this together, I feel that our relationship has been able to grow in so many ways. We have been able to see things in a whole new light and realize together that God will take care of us no matter what. I more than ever that I am able to handle all the stuff that is put before me as long as He is my priority. I know so much of this sounds silly to some of you, but only through God am I here today through all the struggles I have had to even talk about these things. I truly believe most in my situation would be on some sort of drugs, depressed, or would of just given up by now. I now see that my faith in God though it not be as strong as it should be some days, has been the key to getting me through without the drugs and other outlets. Yes somedays, I do get frustrated, but who wouldn't in my shoes. These are pretty hard shoes to fill considering all the junk I deal with on a regular basis on top of the regular stuff.
     Shawn and I do have our struggles, but we have come to accept them as is and will be dealing with things very differently from now on and will be leaning on eachother more than ever. Statistically speaking we should of given up a long time ago, but we have managed to make it this far despite all the numbers. That could only be the work of God I tell you. I look at my own battles, childhood problems, weight issues, low self esteem, financial struggles, and the mountain of tissues over my kids and their own battles, somedays their battle to just survive. I have seen the brink of death in everyone of my children and I am telling you from wrapped cords at birth, to bleeding issues and surgery, to the little one not breathing at birth on machines and then another scare when she was two and was struggling to breath when she was very ill. I know most will see my kids today and think nothing could be wrong, but most know that is not the case. God does have a plan for all of this even though some days I do not see it yet, but here is where my patience level needs to increase.
     Anyhow, Shawn and I attended our "fourth day" program yesterday and we got to see so many of our new friends from our "walk". We both feel so blessed that we had this experience and that we are now part of a new community of people here to serve God and lead others to Him. What a gift. I have opened my heart to seeing so many opportunities to serve now and I hope and pray that my life will finally begin to make sense.